Category Archives: Writing

Way back when the boys were little and I was a “housewife”, I’d get up early just to watch Dr. T. Berry Brazleton on Lifetime Network. He had a wonderful program about raising kids, and he was to me what Dr. Sears was to my mother. I loved his approach, his attitude, and his kindness.

One show was dedicated to what to do when your kids reached “The Breakdown Lane”. It was the point in the day when kids had had enough of a long day, and by that point in the world, kids *did* have long days. (More so than when I was a kid.) They got up at the crack of dawn, went to day care, then school, then day care—all very rigidly structures activities—then home. By the time they got home, their parents weren’t the only ones worn out, and when you consider the size of kids, that’s a whole lot of day packed into one small body. He said it wasn’t unusual for kids to reach The Breakdown Lane, the point at which they’d had enough and they needed to shut down mentally, physically, and emotionally. The problem was, the parents were tired too, and they didn’t know what to do that would work for everyone.

Well, I hit the breakdown lane myself this week. I’m trying to learn something new at work, and it’s just not clicking yet. It will, because I won’t give up, but the last time I needed to learn a new process, it took a while. Now I can do it in my sleep, but for a while there I started rehearsing, “Do you want fries with that?” or “Welcome to WalMart! How can I help you?” I’m back to that now, and stress is a mild adjective. At one point, I wanted to throw the phone and smash something.

Combine that with the fact that I made an ass of myself to someone I’m interested in, and I’m not seeing any other options on the future, and I have more vacation time than I can afford to use right now, and there are no “just me” weekends for the next 2 months, and juggling the boys’ schedules with my training, and writing a new manuscript isn’t exactly smooth sailing, I was almost combustible. For some mental relief, I pulled up a website that usually makes me laugh, DamnYouAutoCorrect.com, and I laughed until I ended up crying.

The fact of the matter is, I know I’m blessed. I know how fortunate I am to be healthy, the boys are healthy, we have a safe and secure roof over our heads, my car runs, I have a job (such as it is), and my life is stable (such as it is). And yet, I fell apart. I hit the Breakdown Lane.

But thanks to Dr. Brazelton, I know I can recover from this. It’s not fun, but it’s not forever, and what doesn’t kill us really does make us stronger. So when you hit the Breakdown Lane, take a breath and step to the side. Let the traffic go by, and gather yourself. It’ll be all right, maybe not now, but it’ll be all right.

I got my practice runs in for last week, though I’m behind by a day. I didn’t have time to get to the gym over the weekend, between a stop in Baltimore for the O’s game, and the Phillies on Sunday. By the way, if you happen to be visiting Citizens Bank Park, try the garlic fries at the Fresh Grille at the left field gate. You can thank me later. Anyway, my normal Sunday-Tuesday-Thursday runs are Monday-Wednesday-Friday instead. I’m nothing if not flexible.

Posted by carlakempert in Writing

It’s not easy, letting go. Quite a few friends of mine have spent the last week letting go of kids who’re going off to start college. Just the idea puts a knot in my stomach the size of Rhode Island, because I have one more year before Ryan follows suit. It makes me want to take this year and bottle it so it can’t go anywhere. I don’t want to let a minute out of my sight.

Insert Suzy Bogguss song here. And pass the tissues, please. I watched the video and lost it completely, but that’s just me.

But right now I’m thinking of a different letting go. Recently I figured out that if I stop worrying about what might happen and what might go wrong, things flow a whole lot easier, and more often than not, I get what I wanted in the first place.

I had a long explanation in mind, complete with parables, but then I saw this and, as usual, a picture is worth a thousand words:

Maybe I should’ve been a photographer.

Posted by carlakempert in Writing

I’m often looking for signs. Not street signs, though I do have to say, Pennsylvania is known for thinking street signs are superfluous. I took the boys to Dorney Park on Monday and got lost because the GPS thought the park entrance was where the employees go in. I then tried to double-back to find the way in, and at one point I stopped at a four-way intersection with not a single street sign. More than once I’ve been well on my way to Harrisburg before I realized, I missed the exit on 78 to get me back to the PA Turnpike. (It’s Exit 53 but it doesn’t say “turnpike” on it.) Gah.

But I digress. Signs. A friend recently lost her mother, and she asked for a sign from her mom that she was okay. She got her sign when she found her mother’s eyeglasses that she thought she’d mistakenly thrown out.

I often look for signs in music, like if the next song I hear (on the radio, on the iPod, in the store) means something to me. You’ve heard of my “ghost in the machine”, Luke, who was a character I wrote; a ghost who could only communicate to his still-living soul mate via her iPod. (He steered the thing into playing “their song”, which made her think of him and their time together.)

That hasn’t happened in a while, and thinking of my friend—and feeling a little blue for other reasons—I asked for a sign that things would turn around. I mean, things are good for me right now overall. I have what I need, in general, but there’s something I want, something missing, something I think I’m ready for, and it’s not here. Take a wild guess.

So I put that wish out there, and I went on with my day, getting work done, running errands with Alex ($15 in used VHS tapes later…), having fun and keeping busy. I went to the gym, made my fat cry, and came home to make dinner when the phone rang. Thinking it was some political group begging for money, I was ready to give them what-for when it turned out to be the Red Cross, asking me to sign up for a donation. I just gave in June and I didn’t think I was up to 56 days yet so I politely declined, but after I hung up the phone, I thought, “Dummy! What if that was the sign? What if, at a donation event NOT at the office, that’s where I’m going to find what I’m looking for?”

After dinner, I went online and signed up for the donation event the caller suggested. It’s not far away, and it’s on Labor Day, and even if I don’t get what I wanted, I’m doing something good. I’ll let you know what happens.

We had a blast at Dorney, by the way. I love when the boys have a great time.

Posted by carlakempert in Writing

But for a reason. If you plan to be up at 6 a.m. eastern time tomorrow morning (Aug 16th), tune in to B101 in Philadelphia and you can hear me play Beat the Bee. The game was taped this morning to air tomorrow!

I still can’t believe I did it, but I had SUCH a fun time! The only question I missed was on the Kardashians because honestly, I have no interest in keeping up with any of them.

Thanks again, Producer Blaire, Tiffany and Michael! Michael, I’m sorry I was your milestone person but I promise I’ll take a pic of myself wearing my new t-shirt!

I kinda feel like I cheated with that hint Tiffany gave me about Charlie Sheen’s new TV show, but I won’t be giving back the t-shirt any time soon; sorry!

I *heart* B101!

Posted by carlakempert in Writing

Are you *loving* the Olympics? Now that the kvetching about NBC’s way-too-many-commercials is fading (hello to the aptly named #NBCfail), watching the games is just a joy for me. I’m cheering on Oscar Pistorius and the US women’s gymnastics team and Missy Hamilton, and I even found myself glued to the Murray/Federer tennis match. I usually find tennis about as much fun as watching glue dry. Now I’m thinking I need to look up where I can go for lessons. Okay, granted, I was thinking about it before, but now I plan to do some homework.

I love the Olympic motto: Faster, Higher, Stronger. Especially Stronger. I never thought of myself as a strong person until I made the decision to run a half marathon. Now I’m amazed at what I can do. Last week I had to all but pry myself to the gym. I’d think, “Ugh, three miles. I don’t wanna.” Six months ago I’d be thinking, “Ugh, three miles. I don’t know if I can do that.”

Now not only do I know I can do three miles but three miles at 4.5 mph is barely an extra blip on my heart rate. I got up on Sunday deciding I needed to try for six. I really wanted to do 6.55 to see if I could run half a half marathon, even though I have 11 weeks to train for this. Instead I got to 5.5 and thought, “You’re done for the day. Don’t burn yourself out too early.” I compromised and stopped at the 6 mile mark. There’s always next week. (For the record, according to the RW Half Marathon Training chart for beginners, I was only supposed to do 4 at LSD, or Long Slow Distance. I flipped that one off pretty good.)

It’s been eight months today since my husband and I separated, and I didn’t crumble. I didn’t fall apart. I didn’t die. The world didn’t end. I’m still here. I’m stronger than I thought I was, and I know that now.

Come October 21st, the Runner’s World Half Marathon will never know what hit it.

Posted by carlakempert in Writing

A moment of gratitude here. On Tuesday, Ryan had his annual checkup at Shriners Hospital in Philadelphia.

I can never say enough wonderful things about Shriners. They’ve been wonderful to us. If you need a definition of serendipity, my grandfather was a Shriner. He worked for their charities for all those years, never once knowing his great-grandson would be treated there.

Ryan being 17 now, he’s been treated there for the past 13 years. It was one of my two biggest fears that he’d age out and we’d have to find another caregiver. My other fear was that Ryan would need further corrective surgery for the hip dysplasia he was born with.

Good news on both fronts! No surgery, and because Ryan’s a long-term patient, the doctor will try to keep him under their care ’til he’s 21. I drove home so relieved, I could’ve flown!

Thanks to my new smart phone, I could document our trip there. (I know my memory lately; I forget everything.)

Waiting in the lobby; guess the school’s summer reading selection didn’t tickle his fancy.

Smiling a little more in the waiting area at the Clinic

Ryan with Kris, the wonderful nurse who’s taken care of us since day one!

Ryan with Dr. Davidson! You can’t find a cooler (or better) pediatric orthopedist anywhere!

Heading home with the good news!

 I don’t want to think where we’d be without Shriners. Thank you!! 

Posted by carlakempert in Writing

Sorry I missed Thursday last week, but I was on vacation, visiting family in Florida, and there wasn’t time to get to it. I did think about it, and really, I should’ve set something up from Saturday, after I finished the Phillies 5K. Do a search on Carla and you’ll see I came in 3819 out of 5,000. I’d be prouder of that stat if there weren’t over 1k DNFs and no-shows. But I did it, and I’m thrilled!

There will definitely be more races in my future. The first mile was tough, but once I got into a rhythm, I could even talk while we ran. The course was great, everything went smoothly, and I had a great time.

The best part was when we turned off Broad Street, onto Phillies Way, and Ann pointed out the yellow pedestrian sign ahead. She said, “When we get to that sign, we’re going to pour on the steam and cross the finish line at a sprint.” I said, “I don’t think I’ve got anything left!” but as we got closer, I saw the clock and realized I might just beat my best time for 3.1 miles. That got me moving, and I kicked it up and ran for the end.

Of course, once I crossed the line, I all but dropped. Partly out of gratitude and partly out of exhaustion, but all of me was thrilled to do it. So thrilled that when I saw free tote bags from one of the vendors, I went in that direction instead of taking my victory lap around the field. Dur!!

Definitely next year. Next race: Mud Run!

Thanks, Ann LaBar Russek, for keeping me going!!

Posted by carlakempert in Writing