Excerpt: Worlds Apart
Worlds Apart
Only love could save his immortal soul…
“Then must you speak of one that loved not wisely, but too well.”
- Othello
While the lights of Las Vegas flickered outside the small oval window, Lucas Holliday sat in the second row of the Southwest Airlines 737 with a death grip on the aisle seat’s armrests. Despite the dampness of his palms, he damn well wasn’t letting go, not even to wipe the sweat beading on his forehead. About the only thing that would make him loosen his grip would be if his stomach finally gave in and brought his breakfast back, which was a very real possibility.
He hated to fly. Hated it. Couldn’t think of anything he was less inclined to enjoy, including public speaking while naked or having his toenails removed with a dull pair of pliers. There was only one thing on earth that could make him get on a plane. One person, really.
Kate Hendricks.
He wouldn’t even let go of the armrest to pull the file out of his carry-on bag, the file his private investigator had handed him. The file with Kate’s photo, current address and personal stats. She was Kate Rice now, divorced and remarried with one son from her first marriage. Ryan, age ten. Her second husband, Michael Rice, age forty-five, was a credit analyst with the technology company where Kate worked in contracts management. From what he could see, she had everything but a white picket fence and a dog.
She’d gone on without him. As much as it hurt like a bullet to the gut, he wouldn’t have wanted anything less for her. She deserved to be happy. He’d wanted it for her, even though that same happiness had escaped him over the twenty years since he saw her last.
Drawing a deep–God willing, a calming–breath, Luke shut his eyes, picturing her in his mind, the last time he’d seen her. Their high school graduation. She’d worn a white dress with pale pink lace around the edges. Freckles sprinkled over her creamy cheeks, which were usually just a little bit pink, making her eyes look that much bluer. He couldn’t remember when he hadn’t seen her smiling or laughing.
Well, no, that wasn’t entirely true. She hadn’t smiled after he’d kissed her.
Just that once, he’d kissed her, after all the years spent thinking about it, all the time spent being madly in love with her but too afraid to say anything to her or do anything about it. But he knew deep in his soul that graduation was the last day left to let her know how he felt. At the end of the summer, she was going to school in Philadelphia and he was going to California. They’d still see each other, but the summer would be full of plans and work and preparation for the next stage of their lives. Graduation was his last chance.
Words were Kate’s strong suit, not his, so rather than take a chance at stumbling over saying something stupid, he sought her out after the ceremony, as friends and family gathered for congratulatory hugs. She ran to him, smiling, and he waited until she stood in front of him. Without a word, he kissed her. Framing her face between his hands, he’d felt the softness of her skin, her gentle warmth, and he’d pulled her close and pressed his lips to hers.
She hadn’t fought him. It was almost like she’d been waiting for him to kiss her, maybe as long as he’d waited. When she sighed and leaned into him, something inside him shattered. He released her and looked into her eyes, wishing like hell he could read her mind to know what she was thinking right then.
All those years they’d been friends, and the one time he couldn’t read her was the one time he most needed to do just that.
But she’d looked so…what was the word? Scared? Relieved? Revolted?
He didn’t stay long enough to find out. He went home, packed his bags, jumped in his rattling Chevy and went west two months early. Even in his occasional calls home, he never asked his mother how Kate was doing, though she’d have known. Over the next twenty years, he tried not to think about her but she was there, hiding in the back of his memory, along with an overwhelming sense of shame that he’d done something wrong, that he’d destroyed his only hope of winning her over, even though he didn’t know for sure.
Midlife crises, he’d always imagined, would happen to other men but not to him, but something about watching the candles blowing out on his fortieth birthday cake gave him the courage to look her up on the internet. He still remembered the feel of his shaking hands when he entered her name into Google. When that attempt yielded nothing but a nervous stomach, he hired a private investigator to find out where she was, what she was doing. Within a week he had the file in hand. Before that day was over, he had airline reservations. Sure, he could’ve driven back east, but that would’ve taken days, and more than twenty years had already passed. As much as he hated to fly, he couldn’t wait another second to see her again.
He also couldn’t wait for the damn plane to get into the air. Four hours from Vegas to Philly and already it was taking forever.
“Excuse me?”
Luke gritted his teeth and opened his eyes to see a twenty-something man’s face creased in concern. Luke sucked in a quick, shallow breath because his pounding heart wouldn’t allow for much more than that. If the guy wanted Luke to look friendly, he could forget it. So much for hoping to get the row to myself. “Yes?”
“I’m sorry to bother you, but would you mind moving over? My wife’s pregnant and needs to get to the bathroom a lot. If she takes the window seat, I’m afraid she’s going to be a real pain in the neck to the both of us.” As if to prove he wasn’t lying, the man stepped aside, revealing a petite blonde who looked to be hiding a small pumpkin under her blouse. “It’s a long enough flight without having to stand up every ten minutes.”
She smiled and waved her fingers at Luke. “I’m so sorry. The baby has this thing about dancing on my bladder.” She rubbed her belly in short, round circles.
Oh shit. “Oh. Uh, sure.” Luke drew another shallow breath and forced his fingers to relax their grip on the armrests. His joints creaked after being locked in place for the last ten minutes. Stiffly, he pushed himself to his feet, shifting over two spaces to the window seat. He glanced out the window to the tarmac for a split second before he clapped the shade down.
The husband stuffed something in the overhead compartment and took the seat next to Luke. The wife dropped into Luke’s aisle seat with a loud sigh and giggled. “Oh thank goodness. Between all the standing out there and the air pressure, my feet are going to be twice their original size by the time we get there.” She leaned forward, around her husband, and tapped Luke on the leg. Luke almost jumped two feet out of his seat. “Thank you, sir. I really appreciate it. Jon was afraid we wouldn’t be able to get an aisle seat. Up front like this, this is perfect. It’s like you were saving the spot for us. Thank you.”
Luke nodded stiffly, his jaw tightly clenched. “You’re welcome.” He sat back, pressing his shoulders into the still-upright chair back. His hands found their way back onto the armrests, and he shut his eyes and locked himself in place again. God help him if this couple asked him to open the window shade. The flight attendants would have to pry him off the ceiling.
“How’re you feeling?”
Luke was certain the man was talking to his wife. When he felt a touch on his wrist, he managed not to groan as he opened his eyes again. The man was smiling. Jesus. I don’t need this.
“Nervous flyer?” the man asked.
Luke shivered a nod. “Yes.”
The man smiled. “Don’t worry about it. Thousands of planes take off and land every day. Accidents are rare these days. I was just telling Kelly, when was the last time we heard about anything happening on a plane in this country? Maybe a year. We’re probably safer in the air than on the roads, and it takes a hell of a lot less time this way. Well, unless you count waiting for your luggage.” He laughed. “If it’s your stomach, when they come around with drinks, get a ginger ale. It cures motion sickness.”
“And morning sickness,” his wife piped in, smiling as she nodded. “Trust me on this one.”
Luke nodded once, curtly. “Thanks.” He pressed his head against the chair back and shut his eyes tight. Rude or not, he decided, if they spoke to him one more time, he’d ignore them. If only he’d brought an iPod with big, bulky headphones, so everyone would’ve known to leave him the hell alone. He could’ve absorbed himself in the music that reminded him of Kate, the songs they’d sang along to or just enjoyed hearing back then, when their time together still seemed endless.
That’s it. Think of Kate.
His next breath came easier. He even almost smiled. Just four more hours and he’d grab his bag and be in the first cab in front of Philly airport, headed for wherever Norristown was.
How she’d react to seeing him, he couldn’t quite be sure. In his fantasies, she’d smile that bright smile that reminded him why life was worth living, and her eyes would shine, and she’d wrap her arms around him and profess her undying love, and in the second that followed, he’d confess everything he’d felt for her since he was ten years old and her family moved in down the block. He’d tell her how much he loved her, how hard his life had been without her, how desperately he’d tried to go on but he really never had, that the life he’d had wasn’t really much of a life at all. How he couldn’t live another second without her.
But the PI had said she was married. For a second time. His blood hit a low simmer at the thought that something had brought her first marriage to an end. There was no way Kate had been at fault; he knew that without even asking, just because he knew Kate. But knowing that somewhere in the world, someone existed who’d hurt her made him tighten his already fierce grip on the armrests. Wherever he was, there was a man badly in need of killing.
He drew in a breath and let it out between pursed lips. There was no point in thinking of her ex-husband. First things first, like shutting that door and getting this bird off the ground so he could get that much closer to Kate Hendricks. No matter what her name might be now, she’d always be Kate Hendricks to him.
He smiled. Unless he could convince her to become Kate Holliday. That was his ultimate fantasy. The one he’d quietly harbored for more than twenty years.
The flight attendant locked the door in place. The vibrations startled Luke from his thoughts, and his eyes flashed open. The man beside him smiled knowingly. “Shouldn’t be long now.”
Luke couldn’t make himself glare at the man, much as he wanted to. He didn’t have a single emotion in him at that exact second but abject terror. He held tight to his mental image of Kate and stared at the seat in front of him. Blue letters stamped into the upright tray table read, “Use seat bottom cushion for floatation.” Luke shivered as his breakfast threatened to make an impromptu reappearance. Dammit. I know this flight’s not going over water but Christ, do they need to plant that mental image in my head?
“I love you, Katie.” Silently, his lips formed the words. Only for you would I do this, Katie. Only for you.
The woman in the aisle seat shivered with excitement. “Oooh! I can’t wait! I’m so glad we didn’t tell mom about the baby. She’s going to be so surprised! I can’t wait to see the look on her face when we get there!”
“Easy,” her husband said. “If you get too excited, you’ll need to go to the bathroom again, and it’s going to be a while before we can get up and around. Probably not ‘til we level off around thirty thousand feet.”
She sighed. “That high? Wow. I wonder what the mountains will look like from up there.”
Luke’s stomach hit his shoes. Dammit, why didn’t I bring the iPod? He felt his knees jostled before he saw the man reach over to slide the window shade up. Luke glared lasers at the man beside him.
“Sorry,” the man said, sitting back, smiling apologetically as he pointed to the window. “Gonna be too nice a view to miss.”
“Not for everyone,” Luke hissed.
The man backed away and whispered something to his wife.
Eyes shut tight once again, Luke’s heart bumped along with the plane as it backed away from the terminal and made its way to the runway. Where it stopped. Oh shit. What’s the matter?
“Why did we stop?” the wife asked.
“We’re probably in queue for takeoff,” the husband said. “It might take a while ‘til we’re cleared.”
A few long minutes, and a few stops-and-starts later, and a bell ring, followed by a God-like voice from the overhead speakers. “Ladies and gentlemen, we have been cleared for takeoff. In just a few moments we’ll be en route to Philadelphia where the temperature is….”
The wife giggled. “I’m so excited!” Luke heard a kissing sound.
One second the plane was perfectly still, the engines purring loudly behind him. The next second, the engines roared to life and the plane thrust forward, leaving Luke’s pounding heart somewhere back in the terminal. “Oh Jesus,” he gasped. He dug deep into his memory for the words to Hail Mary and Our Father. He didn’t dare release his grip to clasp his hands in prayer, but the thought did occur to him. The plane sped forward, growing faster with each passing second. Acceleration pushed him even further back into the chair. Every muscle in his body, even the ones in his eyelids, clenched like iron.
I love you, Katie. In just a few hours he’d finally get to say it to her face. God willing, Kate would say it back to him. Then his life would really begin.
Takeoff felt like it took forever. He found himself opening his eyes just enough to look out the window. There had to be a reason why they were still speeding along on the ground, for Christ’s sake. Shouldn’t they be airborne by now?
“What’s wrong?” the wife said, bewildered.
“I don’t know,” the husband said, leaning forward, almost past Luke, to look out the window. “It’s like we’re–”
Luke saw a flash of light, and in that instant, everything went very still and very cold. In the chilly silence of the stillness, he heard his own voice echo across the emptiness.
Katie, I love you.
