When the Wrong Thing is the Right Thing

I admit it.  I blew my diet, but I couldn’t help it.  I had that same shaken-pop-bottle thing going on, except it reached a different level to where I was searching the kitchen like a starving person, only I wasn’t starving.  I ate a cup of strawberries, followed by two slices of cheese, followed by a cup of low-sugar bread-and-butter pickles.  By the time I got to the car to take the boys to NJ, I was pretty sure none of this food was going to stay with me for long, but at the same time, none of it really satisfied me either and I was still jumpy and anxious.  I’d looked up “anxiety disorder” in WebMD and I’m pretty sure I don’t qualify.  I do, however, qualify for pre-perimenopausal, so I took an Evening Primrose capsule too.  (That’s almost as much fun as finding I’m in the next age bracket UP when I take a survey.  Thanks for the reminder, guys.)

By the time I got the boys to NJ, I couldn’t stand it anymore and I decided I’d never experienced this before and it had to be connected to my change in diet, therefore I needed to break the diet if I was going to make this feeling go away.  And I did.  At the end of a small french fries and one chocolate chip cookie, I was smiling again.  The edgy feeling faded considerably, too. 

I went home feeling miserably guilty but hey, the last time we were on South Beach, I allowed myself two dark chocolate (with almonds) nuggets per day and I was human throughout it all.  I decided I’d have to pick up some more of those and see how I did, and in the mean time, I’d just go to the gym with John and work off my transgressions.  I accept that I did something wrong and I have to pay the price.

Then I got on the scale this morning and found out I’d LOST 2 pounds.  That was grin-worthy.  🙂  I think the weight I took off was the monkey on my back.  I seriously suspect what I had was a case of withdrawals.  For the last 12 days we’ve had no bread, no pasta, no sugar, no potatoes; other than vegetables, no carbs whatsoever.  I sat in front of McDonalds with the boys and I admitted, I didn’t really want to go in because I knew the smell of fries and delicious, absurdly unhealthy food was going to make me crazy.  Ryan suggested I have a salad but I’ve had so much salad this last week, I feared I might grow long ears and a fuzzy tail.

Most of the diet resources I’ve seen say it’s okay to admit you’re human and you’re going to slip once in a while, but you should just suck it up and get back on track.  That’s what I plan to do.  I’m even saving my Graham Slam ice cream treat for next week in Wildwood, not tomorrow at the ballgame. 

PS, Congrats to Chris Coste for going 4-4 on Wednesday night!  In an interview he said he’s 8-8 when his wife is in town.  🙂 


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