Day Eight

Day eight weight lost:  0.8 pounds; total weight lost, 3.6.  It feels better than it looks, but that could be the workouts. 

The state house voted 49-1 on Sunday in favor of revised HB 1150, originally sponsored by the speaker, Dennis O’Brien.  The problem is that some ass-clown out there dismembered the bill from what it was originally intended to do, mandate insurance companies to cover autism services within the state of PA.  Instead it was reworded to require that families prove “medical necessity” for autism treatment before PA insurance companies are required to pay for it.  They have that problem now; why waste time and money writing a bill for it?  The changes to the bill would only make it harder because now not just private insurance companies would demand proof of “medical necessity”, but PA Medical Assistance would have that option too.  The changes to HB1150 effectively close the door to services that autistic children in the state need if they’re going to have a chance at breaking out of the prison of autism.

Susan Rzucidlo came out on the ASA email loop and said she asked Autism Speaks to remove her from their mailing lists because (get this) Autism Speaks came out IN FAVOR of the revised bill!  I thought, “Damn, that’s a good idea!” so I did the same thing, and it made me feel SO much better to get angry.  I didn’t realize until then just how much I’d been bottling up my emotions, for so many reasons, most of which even I don’t know.  It’d be nice if I could start feeling an emotion other than anger, but for now, I’ll take it.  I walked out of the office yesterday smiling.  I noticed the cool in the breeze, and the colors around me seemed so much brighter than they’d been in a long, long time. 

It’s like I’ve been standing in a dark room for so long only I didn’t know it, and all of a sudden someone put on the light and I can see (and feel) again.  Then John came home pissed because of some stuff at work (yesterday was the end of the 2nd quarter, and Unisys was told they didn’t get the multi-billion $ TSA contract, which for us was a make-or-break deal; our jobs may be on the line before year’s end; just what we need when we’re house-shopping) and then the internet connection didn’t work and he called Verizon and yelled at someone in Bangalore and he was mad all night, and then over dinner I couldn’t make him understand my point of view in a conversation (he kept insisting I was wrong) and I shut up and focused on just swallowing my damn dinner, and I felt the room around me get dark all over again, and that’s where I am now. 

But at least now I know where I am and why I’m there, and even though the room is dark, knowing there’s a room is half the battle.