John’s been gone this weekend. It hasn’t been fun like it used to be. Once upon a time, I looked at solitude like a gift from the gods, but when you’re crammed into a 2 bedroom apartment with 4 people and 2 cats, time alone is a wonderful thing. (Even Alex has learned to shut himself in the bathroom once in a while, listen to music on his CD player and just BE. John thinks it’s weird but I understand it totally.) But this time around, I’m looking forward to when he comes home. I don’t remember changing but I guess somewhere along the line, it happened in spite of me.
I had to say goodbye to some things in my past this weekend. I spent a few hours with the boys’ old clothes, deciding what to give away and what to keep. They’re keeping a greater percentage but some things were just too small and had to go, including 2 shirts they wore to school pictures. It was hard to give those up because I remember when the boys were smaller (and fit the shirts). Giving the shirts up is like giving up on those days and accepting that they’re not little anymore. As of today, Alex fits mens’ sizes; I can’t shop for them in the boys department. It’s hard to accept that they’re not babies; they’re growing up, and I’m growing older with them. (As the song goes, “I’ll never grow up.”) I have to say goodbye to back then and walk forward into our future. Scary stuff, that is.
Anyway, this weekend I heard and saw a few things that resonated with me (I love that word) and I thought I’d list them.
From the Seether/Amy Lee song, “Broken”: “I’m broken when I’m lonesome/And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away.” (Maybe you need the music to get the full effect.)
I signed up for NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month, so I’ll try to report in on my progress. I don’t know what I was thinking; between work, the move, the VFRW contest, and all my yarn UFOs on my couch (I started 2 new ones–with unfinished skeins–since Friday), it’s not like I have 2 spare minutes to put together, but I need some inspiration, and if that means perspiration, so be it. I’ll either edit through Worlds Apart or I’ll write Vegas Baby, but I’m getting something done or I’ll die trying. Fortunately, the NaNoWriMo folks don’t send out a firing squad if we don’t adhere to our goals, but don’t tell my subconscious that, please. Like I said, whatever it takes. Wish me luck!!