The 10 Commandments of Rookie Runners

Or maybe joggers. At my current weight/speed, I’m pretty sure I’m still just a jogger, but I’m working my way up to runner.

The other night I ran three miles without planning to. The weather here in SE PA was SO nice, and the park was so pretty, and I had 90 minutes to myself, so that when I finished four laps around the football field, I decided to keep going. I ended up doing two more laps. When I went home, I found a map of the park and realized, each lap is 0.5 miles. I got there with no plans to run a 5K, but I did it anyway. And I loved it.

At the same time, it inspired me to think of the Must Do things for new runners like me. Four occurred to me while I was running (or jogging; don’t judge me). The rest, I came up with afterward. See if you can add some of your own. I’m always open to new ideas.

10 Commandments of the Newbie Runner

  1. Thou shalt not run with thy mouth open, unless you want to include in your diet plan the calories from consuming gnats, flies, and the occasional moth.
  2. When the Rocky theme comes on thy iPod, thou shalt stop jogging and RUN.
  3. Thou art running for thy health and to whittle down the ass that could shade Rhode Island, not to be seen. (I’m looking at you, blonde cougar with the deep V-neck skin-tight shirt, wearing more perfume than Macy’s stocks on Black Friday.)
  4. Thou shalt not run while wearing a maxi pad, unless you want a fresh reminder of what diaper rash feels like.
  5. When thou thinkest thou art tired, thou shalt run one more lap.
  6. Thou shalt not reward thy three mile run with a hot fudge sundae from Mr. Softee. (At least walk to the DQ, for crying out loud.)
  7. Thou shalt not puss out on the inclines. Likewise, thou shalt not speed up on the declines. You’re not fooling anyone. We all know where the downhill slopes are.
  8. Thou shalt get away with only two uses of the gym towel before it goes in the wash. For the love of all that’s healthy, please.
  9. Thou shalt not imitate Kirk Gibson as thou hittest the 5K mark. Unless no one’s around. If you’re alone, knock yourself out.
  10. Thou shalt run just one more lap.

So tell me, what are your running commandments? What have you learned about yourself from running that you didn’t know before? Or, if you don’t run, why not? What do you do instead?

Man, do I wish knitting burned as many calories as a good 3 mile run. I’d be the happiest girl on the planet. Also the skinniest.

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One thought on “The 10 Commandments of Rookie Runners

  1. OMG, #1 is awesome. 🙂 It also makes me cough if I’m (pretending to be) running in cold weather. And as for the gym towel – ewwww.

    You make me want to take up running. Well, you and my dog, who can barely walk slowly enough when I take her out. 🙂

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